prabhu
Going through a divorce is never easy, especially when children are involved. Even after the legal proceedings are over, communication and co-parenting with your ex can be challenging. However, good communication is essential for the health and well-being of your children. Here are some tips to help divorced parents communicate effectively:
Focus on Your Children
Your relationship with your ex may be over, but you still have to maintain a civil relationship for the sake of your children. Make your children the priority rather than harbouring resentment towards your former spouse. Be the bigger person and don’t let your negative feelings affect your ability to co-parent. Your children need their mother and father in their lives.
Set Clear Boundaries
Establish some ground rules for communication to avoid unnecessary conflicts. For example, only discuss co-parenting matters, not your personal lives. Specify the best methods and times to communicate such as via email or during the child handoff. Boundaries will help you interact in a more business-like manner.
Seek Mediation if Needed
If tensions are high, consider involving a neutral third-party mediator. They can facilitate discussions and help you reach agreements. Mediation teaches important conflict-resolution skills and is preferable to settling disagreements in court. Many divorce cases require mediation before going to trial.
Use Technology Thoughtfully
Technology like texting may seem ideal for quick, convenient communication, but misunderstandings easily occur without face-to-face interaction. Email or an online calendar/planner are better tools for discussing schedules, responsibilities, etc. However, pick up the phone or meet in person if you must have a difficult talk. Nonverbal cues are important.
Put Everything in Writing
After an in-person or phone conversation, follow up over email summarising the key discussion points, decisions, and action items. Written documentation helps prevent confusion and provides a record if disputes arise later. Save and organise all co-parenting emails. Apps like Talking Parents can be useful.
Remain Calm
Emotions sometimes flare up when interacting with an ex. If a discussion starts escalating into an argument, politely end the conversation and revisit the issue later when calm. Avoid blaming and unproductive exchanges. Your children will take cues from how you communicate with your ex, so be civil.
Follow Your Parenting Plan
Your signed divorce paperwork likely contains a parenting plan outlining custody arrangements, visitation schedules, decision-making responsibilities, etc. Follow this diligently and use it to guide discussions with your ex about the care of your children. Stick to the agreements you made.
Be United on Big Decisions
Major parenting decisions should be made jointly, especially choices impacting your children long-term like medical issues, moving, or changing schools. Seek to reach unified stances through open communication. Present a united front even if you have private disagreements with your ex-spouse.
Considerations for Foster Carers
If you are a foster carer going through a divorce while still caring for foster children, you must make extra efforts to shield the children from conflict. Try to mediate the divorce outside the home and present a united front regarding the care of the foster children. Establish a clear co-parenting schedule and communication protocols to provide stability for the children. Seek counselling to manage your stress and keep focused on meeting the needs of the foster children. Contact your foster agency, such as ISP Fostering, for guidance and support if the divorce begins impacting your ability to provide adequate care.
Frequent, open communication between parents allows everyone to consistently work in the child’s best interest. The child benefits most when the adults collaborate effectively.
